Learning to Work Through Trauma

A close friend shared this story of her grandson. He was very upset that a bird in his backyard flew away and a school friend moved away- all in the same month. He was so sad, he kept spiraling into tears. As Grandma, she encouraged her grandson to practice a Yidam Meditation, which involves focusing on a particular deity which represents the Buddha or Enlightened mind. Her grandson loves deities as they look like superheroes. As they recited the deity’s mantra, her grandson was able move through emotions and settle back.

I think this is a very important practice in learning to move through trauma and regulate our inner experiences.

For years, I was stuck in feeling like life was just happening to me. I identified very much with my struggles- I’m from an immigrant family so I’m going to be misunderstood. I’m a woman so I’m going to be taken advantage of. Trust me, my list would go on!

I’m not saying these don’t have some truth, but I would spiral and rant. My poor mother would listen but eventually tire of me and tell me to go outside, sit in the grass, and do mediation! My mom was spot on and thank god she put me in check.

It took a lot of this angst to wake me up. If I continue to direct my blame on everyone and everything outside me, I’m going to stagnate in this self-inflicted suffering.

In many Buddhist teachings, it is said that pleasant experiences are actually false realities and to not be tricked by a flower’s beauty as it will change very quickly as all things are impermanent. Difficulties will actually reveal more truth. It is each person’s responsibility to learn to develop a middle path when difficulties arise- neither suppressing or reacting. This is where therapy, yoga, meditation, bodywork, etc can offer support.

Suppressing may keep emotions at bay and reacting or expressing ourselves might move the emotion in some direction. Neither are wrong or bad and both have a time and place. But this is not the ultimate goal in traditional teachings.

The same difficult circumstances will keep presenting themselves over and over again because we can create our reality based on what we believe. Until we’re ready to practice holding a middle path and move through the emotion, then only will the karmic pattern release to shift our reality.

This is when we can experience more healing and recovery not simply for our individual benefit but for the benefit of others. The more we focus on ourselves and heal individually, it creates a ripple effect in our relationships to inspire others to do the same.